I just want to let you know I love you-- and here's why:
1. You do not have a strap across your mattress to hold you in place.
2. You do not fold up into the wall.
3. You have not had countless other customers sleeping, drooling, etc. on you-- me and lubby are the only ones!
4. You do not smell like old man-- even after putting freshly-washed sheets on.
5. You do not come accompanied by a pack and play a mere 2 1/2 feet from you.
6. You do not squeak, groan, or otherwise make a nuisance of yourself everytime I blink an eye.
7. You are mine, ALL MINE!
All for now!