Wednesday, November 17, 2010

To RECEIVE the Holy Ghost

After Zoe was born, and left this earth very soon after, there was a period of about three months where I KNEW that I had the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. It was so easy to feel the love and guidance of the Lord. My heart was utterly broken and all those things that usually stand in the way of such communication were gone. I had no desire to sin, and I had absolutely no desire for the things of the world. I didn't even listen to the radio for fear some lyrics or words spoken would offend The Spirit. I read my scriptures more frequently, I prayed more earnestly, and I FELT things more purely than I ever had before or ever have since. The words, "Lo, I am with you alway." were ringing in my head constantly.

After this time, things gradually started to get back to normal- I began working out (and therefore listening to "normal" music-- it's hard to do hip-hop abs to Mo-Tab), I got back into school and started having days where I skipped either one or both of my personal scripture study and prayer. I occasionally had days that were just plain BAD- one in particular stands out in my mind.
I had just had surgery on my two badly crushed toes and had to rely on crutches to get around. One morning I woke up and it had snowed. Which meant that the three flights of stairs that had to be maneuvered in order to reach the parking lot were completely covered in the hateful white stuff. That morning I cried the entire way down the stairs- sliding on my butt, because I had fallen trying to use the crutches- cursing everything and everyone in sight. And my day only went downhill from there.

I didn't feel the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost anymore. It didn't leave overnight, but I realized that gradually the things of the world had seeped back into my life and all but extinguished the light of The Spirit, the same Spirit that had sustained me during the most trying time of my life.

I started trying in earnest to get that same companionship back, only to meet failure. I truly believe that during those three months, I was given a "double portion" of The Spirit in order to compensate for the loss that I felt so keenly, and I hope now that I will never have another experience that will call for such a miraculous gift again. But I still struggle everyday to do as the scriptures say, and "receive" the Holy Ghost and truly make him welcome in my life. It is hard with the general busyness of life, and the constant call of the world, but we are commanded to do it.

I am preparing a lesson for Relief Society on this very subject, which is what got me thinking so much about this. So, I want to pose a question to all of you who read this--
How do you receive the Holy Ghost in your day-to-day lives?

Monday, November 8, 2010

It's a bird, It's a plane... no- IT'S TIME!

I dropped my baby off at nursery for the first time yesterday.
I set her down.
She ran off,
started playing,
..... and never once looked back.

I peeked in halfway through the two hours, and she was happily sitting down eating her whales, and drinking out of a cup!

And then.....
it hit me.

My baby is no longer a BABY.

I was filled with complete wonder at the growing process. One day Quinn was nothing more than a nudger in my tummy, the next she's this demanding little ball who does nothing but eat and sleep. And now..... this. I'm not sure I can handle this- my brain needs time to catch up.

And then I realized I was not alone- and as I looked at the other mothers gathered around the little one-way window, with tears in my eyes-- They looked back at me with complete understanding. Like they already knew what I was just beginning to grasp. Oh, why didn't someone tell me?

Thursday, November 4, 2010