A Season of Love...

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. I've written and rewritten it a million times in my head. And it's nowhere near where I want it to be. BUT this post inspired me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, I guess).

Valentine's Day means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Day of love, Hallmark Holiday, Cheesey poems day, Single-awareness day, etc. But for me, Valentine's Day will always remind me of my sweet baby girl, Zoe. She was born on February 9th and we said goodbye on February 11th. On February 14th, my mother-in-law (who was staying with us at the time) was the only one to mark the holiday, by giving me a small white teddy bear and I think some chocolate. But the bear is what sticks in my memory. It was exactly the size of my precious baby girl, and Valentine's Day is VERY vivid in my mind, as I lay on my bed, broken and unable to stop the tears flowing from my eyes, I held onto that bear for dear life. For the past three days, my arms had felt so EMPTY. At night, when I would cry on Tyson shoulder as we lay side-by-side in bed, I would find myself repeating over and over, "I just want to hold my baby. I just want to hold my baby." That small bear, took away some of the ache, by giving me a little life-line. Something to tangibly take the place of the one whose loss I felt so keenly. That bear has never, ever been left behind through the last 4 years. It has gone with us on every overnight trip we have taken. Although (most of the time) it is no longer used to calm the ache in my heart. It is always there as a physical reminder that our family is not whole. We are missing one. And because of that, we are different. So very different. In so many ways (most of them good).

Especially during this season, I take stock and look at my life and how I show love to those that I love the most. Does Quinn know without a doubt that even though I am the voice of discipline, I would lay down my life for her? Does Mac understand that although I sometimes curse his name when he wakes up at 5:30 ready to play, I would not trade him for a million extra hours of sleep? And Tyson- Does he realize that under my thick sarcasm, I could not go ONE DAY without him? I hope so. And most of all, does Zoe understand that I am doing everything in my power to live the right way, so that someday our family will be complete? Does she understand that even when I have a terrible day, and yell a lot, I love her and I love our family enough to ask for forgiveness and make things right? I hope so.

During this Season of Love, I hope that all of you take stock of those relationships that mean the most to you. And make sure that those people know how much they mean to you, and not just on Valentine's Day-- EVERY day. Because that's why we're here. To learn how to love- as the Savior loves. I hope I'm making some progress.

PS- Mom Allen, thank you for my "Zoe bear." I don't think I've ever told you what that meant to me. Thank you.

Just another day in paradise...

Grandma periodically sends Quinn old toy magazines, which sit on the back of the toilet until Quinn feels like she needs a "poop break," and then she sits on the toilet for anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes just looking at her magazine. This is how she spent her Saturday morning.

And this is how Mac spent his, playing with Daddy until somebody dropped.....

.... and it wasn't Mac.....

Tyson did his best to ignore us and catch some Z's, while Quinn wrote him love notes and piled them up in front him.

And the night ended with books, the way any good night should end....

You Give them an inch, and they'll swim all over you.....

Quinn recently started being afraid of the dark. Like really afraid. Like we'd find her hiding under her covers screaming "MOMMY, mommy, mommy!" at the top of her lungs. And when I'd pick her up she'd be shaking all over and her heart would be racing. So, we started putting one of her stuffed animals in the door, keeping it open about five inches, when we'd put her to bed. That seemed to fix the problem. She could hear Tyson and I talking and there was enough light so that she wouldn't be scared. But then, things started getting out of control.....


Instead of ONE stuffed animal in the door, there were two, and then three, and then four, and so on. And we would always just come back and remind her that the rule was one stuffed animal. But last night topped the cake. She started thinking BIG. As in, why use her 8" teddy bear in the door, when she could use her giant 3' teddy bear? and then, if I'm using ONE big one, why not three?

Let's just say, this girl thinks exactly like her father. Go big or go home.

Plethera

Tonight, I told Quinn we were going to get a movie. She immediately went to the movie cupboard to pick out a movie. Tyson said, I don't think she understood you. So, I said, "No, Quinn, I mean that we're going to the store to get a movie for tonight." She looked at the completely full movie cupboard. Then she looked back at me. Then, with a very puzzled look on her face, she asked, "Why?"

.....I was stumped.

Family pics

We had a one-hour photo shoot with a very skilled young lady, named Angela, from Peartree Photography. Quinn was dead tired and Mac was very upset about being out in the cold, but we got some good shots....

Big Sister and a Haircut!

Quinn's first haircut ended up ok, after "fixing" it 3 times. And I still don't really like the bangs.... But she makes anything look cute!

And here's my two kiddoes enjoying a book. I read a book to Mac this way, and now it is one of Quinn's favorite activities! See how intent he is on that book? And how proud big sister is??

I love it.

Macadoo and his tendency to grOW....

First of all, how much do I love my little man in this hat???    SOOOOOO much!

He is able to sit in the corner of the lazyboy or the couch now, and loves it when you talk to him like a big boy!

But, I don't think he quite understands how this is supposed to be played with..... Everytime I lay him under it, he looks like this 2 minutes later.

And, BRANDON and PAULINA thank you, thank you, thank you for this rattle! It has been a lifesaver! Mac get's a little rambunctious when shaking his rattles and always manages to smack himself in the head, which always ends in tears EXCEPT with this rattle because it's so soft! So, it's the only one he's allowed to shake-a-shake-a anymore! And he LOVES it!